Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Blind Spots

I outright spaced my daily update whilst cleaning code in a kind gesture to my Future Self, that he might one day understand what the hell Past Self was doing. This bookkeeping appeals to the realm of mind known as Anal Retentia, a pleasant destination away from the hair-pulling (now not-so) secretly going on as I attempt to grasp the staggering consequences of online game scripting. Should I be concerned that I love my visits to this obsessive place? Indeed.

Speaking of mind realms, I often hear laments about the areas in life where one feels particularly vulnerable to loss of control -- a control "blind spot," if you will -- and was reminded of my own particular vulnerability to "not going to bed."

This is not an issue of insomnia, mind you -- my heart goes out to the insomniacs that justifiably ignore my woes -- but rather an outright dislike of halting pursuits for something as petty as sleep. It never occurs to me that I'm less likely to observe or retain input, and awake more poorly prepared to enjoy it the next day; I just resent not being able to go on forever.


  1. Coincidentally I decided to nourish my "A2's drawings" needs yesterday and came upon one post from circa 1999-2000 where you lamented over the future of your career and needs etc. and as soon I read todays post I thought about how you must love where you are now as compared to where you were then(am I making any sense?). I'm thinking that even though you hate the fact that you can't keep chugging along with your projects despite the sleep deprivation at least your in a much better space yes?

    I don't know why but that makes better sense in my head than it does typed out but eh!

  2. I don't remember the post, but I indeed love what I'm doing now. Truly. I have no idea how successful things will end up, but the path is /extremely/ rewarding, thus far. Thanks for the comment!

  3. I doubt you'll go back in posts to read this, but I completely sympathize with wanting to stay awake to work on things. It's even more true now that I have very little time in the evenings to work on things anyway, so when I do start something after the kids are in bed, I feel like I have to make up for the time lost.